Member Questions

Ask a question

Be completely honest with me. I have a 15 month old son, he is generally a good baby, but like all todlers his age he gets into things every once and a while.....well (this is a rough topic for me) I get REALLY mad some times, and its like i snap and (god I feel so bad i cry) i'm just horrible and really really stressed for no reason, i have a great marriage, nothing to really stress me out...(i had a bad past...long story) but nothing should set me off like it does....anyone know what could be causing this.....medical wise? please I really want help and i dont know where to turn”

14 replies so far...

  • thank you guys for all of your help, i seen a commercial on the tv for this vitamin (sam-e) and have been taking it and have seen a difference in my moods, I am alot better. and I appreciated all of the help you guys gave me :) good to know there are so many others out there willing to help that have gone through the same things as me. thanks again

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Samantha on 4th December 2008

  • I`ve gone through similar things and you definitely should see a doctor, even if your family isn`t in agreement. My past was very similar to yours and it took me a long time to get over it. here are a few things that have helped me:

    - Getting away. Being cooped up with kids 24/7 is NOT good for you. Even if you can just go out and walk alone for an hour, do it.

    - Get sleep. The whole sleep deprivation thing makes it worse, trust me. I`m a total monster if I have to get up all night with the kids. My husband understands this and he gets up with one of our sons so I can get a bit more rest. That might not be possible for you, but maybe napping when your son naps?

    - Find some mom support. This site is good, but is there a mommy`s group or even just a friend or two that you can hang out with? It can really help to talk about some of the problems (even if you stick to "safe" topics like tantrums) with someone else to help you feel that you are not alone.

    - Write your hubby a letter. I`ve found that my husband spaces out a lot when I try to talk to him. So for really important stuff, I give him a letter. :) Weird, but it works.

    - Green smoothies. This sounds totally radical and all, but to tell you the truth, I tried this green smoothie challenge a while back and was surprised to find that it actually helped with my mood swings. It`s basically just adding a handful or two of spinach to a smoothie with bananas and other fruit in it. Super simple, tasty (you totally don`t taste the green) and it had the unexpected side effect of making me more stable moodwise.

    Hope that helps. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I`ve been where you are and it`s not fun. Especially when you feel alone.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 26th November 2008

  • I know what your mean abou the snapping and getting upset. My husband works full time with extra jobs on the side and is going to school so there is little time for me let alone our daughter. I've found that getting away from the situation is best when possible. If I do snap, I apologize to my 18 mo daughter - she's a person too and it will make both of you feel better. My mom just told me she used to be short with me too (Parenting how you were parented idea) - but I know my mom loves me and did the best she could at the time and I know I turned out ok and yourson will too. I too have struggled with depression and hormonal issues. If you are still breastfeeding, which some moms do for a while, your hormones are causing a lot of this. It took a good three monthes after I stopped for all the hormones to "normalize" and me not be soooo "ROAR". My poor husband is a saint and had to deal with that too. I still had issues with hormones and after looking at me, my doctor put me on birth control (not the POP pills, plus she had seen me depressed before and this was not it) becuase we needed to but also because it lessens PMS, PMDD, etc. While I was breastfeeding, I did seek help from our HR dept who got me in touch with our company's counselor who suggested I speak with my minister(who counseled free of charge). Studies have show that counseling plus medication have worked the best for patients than either used alone. Check with your county for counseling opportunities, check the internet for support groups, and try if you can to get away one time a week - yoga, shopping, coffe with friends. Your son isn't so dependent now so it is time to regain your former fun self. You will get better and it will get easier- seriously!!! Take care and Big hugs, JRP

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Beaniemommie on 22nd November 2008

  • Check in your community and I am sure you will find some type of organization that can offer help. Please don't let a lack of funds keep you from seeking help with this situation. It is unfortunate that your family isn't willing to support you. This is one of those times when you will need to do what you know to be best for yourself and your child regardless of what anyone else thinks. You know the answer. Don't be afraid to listen to your heart.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by marathonmom on 18th November 2008

  • Ugh, sounds like your loved ones think in terms of the old stereotypes when it comes to mental health. When is the next time you are going to the doctor? If you're going for a completely different reason, there is no reason why you can't bring this up at that appt. Tell them what you told us; don't candy coat it. They need to know how serious it is, and how your family is preventing you from getting help. If your doctor is a good one, he/she will help you do something about it. Sometimes sympathetic doctors can be your best advocates, especially when loved ones are not being supportive. Your doctor can do the "tough love" thing and speak to your husband, saying (I dunno, something like) "You know, (hubby's name), I really believe your wife could stand to benefit from (blah blah medication) because of (insert medical explanation here). And what I find is that my patients benefit the most from treatment when their spouses help to keep them on track with the medication, so I need you on board with this." I know that some enlist the help of loved ones when they're trying to get their patients to lose weight or quit smoking or whatever, because they believe it is a matter of life and death, and not something that the patient can "just stop" on their own. So why not depression, right?....I'll be interested to hear what happens, so please let us know, okay? Do it for YOU, and as a result, you'll be doing it for everybody, including your child and your family. - Paula.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 14th November 2008

  • Samantha, I'd bet there would be a nonprofit available to help you. See if you can find a hotline in the yellow pages. They could point you toward resources that you could afford. I wish you the best of luck.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 14th November 2008

  • I want to thank you guys so much...This has been a very difficult thing for me and my family to go through, I know i am just adding to the stress at home..I truly want in my heart for this to stop. honestly I think it is a medical problem, I have had basically depression since I was about 9 years old. My parents never did anything to help me and my dad pretty much added to it. I have asked for medical help for my family to support me in the decision to go to a doctor about it but the only response i have recieved was "there's nothing wrong with you" (even from my husband, i love him but he doesn't understand what i am going through he just tells me to "just stop" i wish it were that easy) I fear that I am going to become as abusive as my dad was to me and my sister. I DO NOT want to hurt my son like that, i feel that i have caught it early so I need to get some sort of help. i hate to say it but. i have had really bad thoughts lately ...i feel like im not getting help at all from anyone I trust with this issue so ( im not going to do it so you dont have to worry) but i have been thinking on solving this issue by taking my life....even though they are just thoughts and i would never attempt it, i know its not right....why cant my family see this. I just dont know how i can get medical help....we cant afford it at all right now....

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Samantha on 13th November 2008

  • I have had some "not-so-proud" mom moments, and I've learned a few things from them. So let me ask you based on my experience:

    1) Do these things happen at a certain time of the month? Try switching to all-organic animal products so you don't have extra hormones and extra mood swings associated with times of the month.

    2) Do these things happen at certain times of the day? For me I used to have a hard time in the morning before my coffee. My older daughter had this "I'm not a morning person either" screech and it was not pretty. It took me a while to recognize the pattern, but once I did, I began to realize that it wasn't that my daughter was being horrible, but me that wasn't sufficiently drugged for the day to start.

    3) Do these things happen when you're in a hurry or under the gun in some way? My stress rubs off on my kids and really multiplies the problem. I have to sit back and calm myself so I don't go off on them.

    4) Do these things happen when you or they are overstimulated? My daughters go a little crazy when the maid service comes and runs around with their vaccuums and loud voices and strange smells. It affects me too. Again, I have learned to put on the brakes and assess the sensory environment before I react. Sometimes just taking a moment to calm everyone down (including myself) makes everything a lot less crazy.

    Another thing to consider is reading up a lot on positive discipline techniques. Chances are that you'll find one that is effective for your little one and makes you feel a lot better than hollering.

    Taking a break from your kids is also a good idea. Even if it's one shopping trip every week or two. Vitamins and sleep are great too, if you're anything like me.

    Do you have a pen or other enclosed, safe space where your little one can play if you need to go away and breathe for a while?

    Don't beat yourself up too much over the past. Everyone has had at least a couple parenting moments they are not proud of. Try to find a pattern in your reactions and work on a plan to head off these problems before they reach a breaking point. This may take time, so be patient with yourself, while making sure your son is safe.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 13th November 2008

  • I agree with Marathonmom regarding "some people parent the way they were parented". I went through a phase when my children were smaller that when anything got spilled, I just couldn't handle it!!!! I went off the wall!!! And of course spilling was someone a daily occurance in our house. I had no idea why I got so angry until one day when I was talking to my mother about it. Apparently, she did the same thing when I was younger. I think having the kids doing it triggered something in my long-term memory that caused me to act that way. What I learned was to just walk away from the room for a few minutes. Of course, when there was broken glass involved, I took my children out of the room as well. I gave myself a few minutes to ignore the problem and calm down, then I approached it slowly and calmly. It took a while to learn to do this effectively, but I kept reminding myself that I needed to break the cycle. Our minds will take over, but only if we let them! Just remember that "this too shall pass".

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kimberly Reddington on 13th November 2008

  • This is what I did when I would feel myself getting upset. I would walk to another room for a moment to collect myself. Remind yourself that babies are blank slates and they only know what we teach them. We have to use each situation to lovingly show them what is right or wrong that they do. Try distracting him with something more positive like a favorite toy or even a bath. My daughter would stop anything she was doing to get a bath. You could turn on Noggin for a little while. You aren't alone. I had frustrations from her dad not helping do ANYTHING so I had to keep reminding myself that she doesn't know any better yet. I think she responds to me better now since this is how I handle things she does wrong. She just turned 2 so their ages are similar.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 13th November 2008

  • I have two thoughts. Some people parent like they were parented. If that is the case, it would probably help to speak with a therapist to help break that cycle. Also, sometimes as moms we can be overwhelmed with all there is to do and having a little one pulling books off the bookshelf and pans out of the cabinet don't help. Maybe it's just a matter of just deciding to enjoy your child and not worrying about the rest. I don't mean to be simplistic. These just happen to be two issues I have dealt with as a mom.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by marathonmom on 13th November 2008

  • Samantha, you are so courageous to be honest with us. My honest response: it sounds like you are depressed and exhausted. Talking to someone neutral will help. Go to your doctor and see if they can refer you to a counselor. You might want to try medication. It sounds like you are having some serious mood swings, and your toddler's behavior is triggering these swings. Get some help now, before he gets older.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 13th November 2008