Member Questions

I`ve gone through similar things and you definitely should see a doctor, even if your family isn`t in agreement. My past was very similar to yours and it took me a long time to get over it. here are a few things that have helped me:

- Getting away. Being cooped up with kids 24/7 is NOT good for you. Even if you can just go out and walk alone for an hour, do it.

- Get sleep. The whole sleep deprivation thing makes it worse, trust me. I`m a total monster if I have to get up all night with the kids. My husband understands this and he gets up with one of our sons so I can get a bit more rest. That might not be possible for you, but maybe napping when your son naps?

- Find some mom support. This site is good, but is there a mommy`s group or even just a friend or two that you can hang out with? It can really help to talk about some of the problems (even if you stick to "safe" topics like tantrums) with someone else to help you feel that you are not alone.

- Write your hubby a letter. I`ve found that my husband spaces out a lot when I try to talk to him. So for really important stuff, I give him a letter. :) Weird, but it works.

- Green smoothies. This sounds totally radical and all, but to tell you the truth, I tried this green smoothie challenge a while back and was surprised to find that it actually helped with my mood swings. It`s basically just adding a handful or two of spinach to a smoothie with bananas and other fruit in it. Super simple, tasty (you totally don`t taste the green) and it had the unexpected side effect of making me more stable moodwise.

Hope that helps. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I`ve been where you are and it`s not fun. Especially when you feel alone.

Check in your community and I am sure you will find some type of organization that can offer help. Please don't let a lack of funds keep you from seeking help with this situation. It is unfortunate that your family isn't willing to support you. This is one of those times when you will need to do what you know to be best for yourself and your child regardless of what anyone else thinks. You know the answer. Don't be afraid to listen to your heart.

Samantha, I'd bet there would be a nonprofit available to help you. See if you can find a hotline in the yellow pages. They could point you toward resources that you could afford. I wish you the best of luck.

I have had some "not-so-proud" mom moments, and I've learned a few things from them. So let me ask you based on my experience:

1) Do these things happen at a certain time of the month? Try switching to all-organic animal products so you don't have extra hormones and extra mood swings associated with times of the month.

2) Do these things happen at certain times of the day? For me I used to have a hard time in the morning before my coffee. My older daughter had this "I'm not a morning person either" screech and it was not pretty. It took me a while to recognize the pattern, but once I did, I began to realize that it wasn't that my daughter was being horrible, but me that wasn't sufficiently drugged for the day to start.

3) Do these things happen when you're in a hurry or under the gun in some way? My stress rubs off on my kids and really multiplies the problem. I have to sit back and calm myself so I don't go off on them.

4) Do these things happen when you or they are overstimulated? My daughters go a little crazy when the maid service comes and runs around with their vaccuums and loud voices and strange smells. It affects me too. Again, I have learned to put on the brakes and assess the sensory environment before I react. Sometimes just taking a moment to calm everyone down (including myself) makes everything a lot less crazy.

Another thing to consider is reading up a lot on positive discipline techniques. Chances are that you'll find one that is effective for your little one and makes you feel a lot better than hollering.

Taking a break from your kids is also a good idea. Even if it's one shopping trip every week or two. Vitamins and sleep are great too, if you're anything like me.

Do you have a pen or other enclosed, safe space where your little one can play if you need to go away and breathe for a while?

Don't beat yourself up too much over the past. Everyone has had at least a couple parenting moments they are not proud of. Try to find a pattern in your reactions and work on a plan to head off these problems before they reach a breaking point. This may take time, so be patient with yourself, while making sure your son is safe.

This is what I did when I would feel myself getting upset. I would walk to another room for a moment to collect myself. Remind yourself that babies are blank slates and they only know what we teach them. We have to use each situation to lovingly show them what is right or wrong that they do. Try distracting him with something more positive like a favorite toy or even a bath. My daughter would stop anything she was doing to get a bath. You could turn on Noggin for a little while. You aren't alone. I had frustrations from her dad not helping do ANYTHING so I had to keep reminding myself that she doesn't know any better yet. I think she responds to me better now since this is how I handle things she does wrong. She just turned 2 so their ages are similar.

Samantha, you are so courageous to be honest with us. My honest response: it sounds like you are depressed and exhausted. Talking to someone neutral will help. Go to your doctor and see if they can refer you to a counselor. You might want to try medication. It sounds like you are having some serious mood swings, and your toddler's behavior is triggering these swings. Get some help now, before he gets older.