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My husband wants his parents to move in with us. I am totally against it. No privacy, no life, etc. They speak a different language, so when they are together, I don't understand what is going on. He does the morning routine, since I leave for work early. What would you do??”

Asked by ramseyquipp on 2nd December 2008 | 9 replies

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9 replies so far...

Please see a book I wrote with Shira Block "When Your Parent Moves In" It may save you!!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by David Horgan on 8th February 2010
Let your husband know that if they do move in, chances are your marriage will end. I`m dead serious. I live on the same property as my in-laws and there have been times when I was ready to walk out because of them. DON`T do it!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 5th December 2008
Why can't they just move closer and come over in the mornings to care for the child and leave when you get home from work?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by marathonmom on 4th December 2008
Don't do it. I had my parents move in with us when my daughter was about a month old because I had to return to work. It's a disaster. My mom oversteps her boundaries by telling me how to raise my daughter and the house is always a mess. NO PRIVACY! My daughter's dad has actually decided to leave us over the stress at the house. Yes, it's THAT bad. My mom cooks, but she doesn't clean up after herself when she makes a sandwich or anything. I go home to empty cheese wrappers on the counter or melting butter left out and open bread bags. I am trying to buy them a house now to save my own family. No two families can coexist without some problems.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Marcia on 4th December 2008
Unless they are elderly and can't live alone, my absolute vote is NO!!!!!!! Absolutely not. I fully understand that in some cultures, it's not unusual for multiple generations to live under 1 roof. However, this the here and now, not several generations ago. And if you all were going to build something for them and MIL was never satisfied, do you REALLY think it's going to get any better being under the same roof, with them always there and always getting in your business???????

Flag as inappropriate Posted by JDaffron on 3rd December 2008
This is really tough.... I think you need to be firm with him and tell him how you feel. There are a lot of things we can give in on but some things are worth fighting for!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 2nd December 2008
Thanks for the comments. His reasoning is to take care of our daughter in the morning in case she wakes up before he is ready for work. He says he can't get ready and care for her. (She is 17 months.) He also says he wants to be closer to them-they live 45 minutes away. We discussed them living with us before we married and the plan has always been to either buy a house with an apartment or build one. We tried to build one, but after 3 blueprint revisions his mom still didn't like it. They said they will cook, and I believe them, but the communication issue is a huge one for me. I have told him about it, but nothing changes. I leave before she is awake and get home earlier than him in the afternoon so she doesn't spend 10 hours in daycare. To be honest, I think he is being a little selfish.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by ramseyquipp on 2nd December 2008
I agree with Vera that it depends on WHY your husband wants to move them in with you. Is there a good reason? If you do agree to it, I would set clear boundaries and expectations in writing. How long will the arrangement last? How often will you reevaluate it (every 6 months for example)? What are the expectations with regard to privacy, family outings, meals, money, etc? It's a touchy subject. Good luck!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mom2Rylie on 2nd December 2008
wow, this is a tough one. why does your husband want the parents to move in, are they ill, broke, is this a temporary arrangement? If there is a good reason then I think I would have to make some adjustments and compromises. But if there isn't then I would explain why I am against it.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 2nd December 2008