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I'm going back to a very demanding FT job on Friday after baby #2. I really like my job but for some reason am totally dreading going back. I really need to work as I am the main breadwinner...how do I juggle the guilt and the dread? Any tips welcome!”

Asked by ginnygk on 19th January 2009 | 8 replies

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8 replies so far...

Dear Ginny, I so know how you feel. It's really hard in the beginning. I don't care how many times you've heard it, but hold on to it as an article of faith, because it is True: It Get Easier. If you absolutely have to return to work, honestly make the best of it: Do Your Best At Work (throw yourself into it, so the day flies by), Be Grateful you have a job (especially in this economy), Give Yourself Credit (for providing security for your family), and Remember All the Benefits of Daycare (lots of socialization and learning for baby, who would otherwise be comparatively isolated). So, DON'T FEEL GUILTY! You're doing what must be done, and you're doing a GREAT job at it! Good luck.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Amber on 29th January 2009
When I was home on maternity leave with my twins, my husband and I were challenged physically and emotionally beyond what we could've imagined...many nights we were up hours on end...wondering when our babies would get past the all-day wakeful stage so we could sleep again...then we wondered, when will they stop spitting up, when will they learn to sleep through the night, etc. Now they are 1 y/o's and I've been back to work for 9 months. Yes, maternity leave flew by, and while I found it exhausting and sometimes stressful to get through, I also tried to savor every moment, as I knew (like you), it would end and I would be back to work (my husband as the stay-at-home dad) wishing to go back in time.

So, I think of all of the tough phases of infancy with my children, I think of my emotional rollercoaster through this entire year, and all the times that I wondered when things might get better (at work & home). Then I realized...as I've done in so many other times of life, that "this too shall pass." I have accepted my role as working mother, I have tried to find a positive outlook, and thoughts of my children uplift me everyday. I look at this as temporary...I hope to be a part-time working mom someday and I thrive on getting there. My husband and my mom & sisters are my best support...I take a little timeout for me each night before bed, and kiss my kids endlessly when I am home with them. The economic downturn can't last forever, and so in the meantime, try to find positive every chance you get. I can't say that the 'guilt' or sadness I feel has gone away...time has only made it harder for me to leave each morning. But--I know that my job is even more important now that it ever was, and I'm thankful for being able to support my family during these trying times.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Meredith on 28th January 2009
I'm a little late replying, but I've been back to work for a year and I'm still having problems with the guilt. I really wish I could stay home but like you I am the breadwinner. Especially in these times it's not an option to not work and leave the spouse/partner to handle all the bills when they don't have enough to cover them. And some people don't even have the spouse/partner, so I can't imagine that struggle. For me every day seems harder, just knowing that I'm missing out on so much and although the daycare I send my son to is okay, it's not the best. Again, I don't have a choice in the matter b.c I can't afford the "main chain" daycares. She's licensed and is great, but I suspect my kid does more sitting around and watching tv than any activity. This is probably not the answer you were looking for but I wanted to be honest. It doesn't get easier for everyone. I want to cry sometimes b/c I want to be home and it's so frustrating that I can't do it. I know in my heart I am supporting my son financially, but at what cost? Only time will tell. I love my son more than anything in the world, and I will do anything I can to make sure he has a great life. For now, I miss out on being with him so he can food, electricity, etc., and I give him all the love I can in the few hours we spend together. I wouldn't change having him for the world, but I do wish I could change my financial situation!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Andy on 27th January 2009
I know what you mean, maternity leave just flies right by. This is how I look at it....
My family needs me to work to survive, it pays the bills and provides the health insurance. I also am setting an example of what it means to be responsabile. I saw the comment about working from home, if that is really true, why are there not more people working from home? Further more, being the main bread winner in this economy can you afford to change careers now?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by G on 20th January 2009
If you are dreading it you may be barking up the wrong tree!!! My siter in law returned to work because it makes her heart sing......I never went back because being with my son makes my heart sing and you know..."if momma ain't happy...nobody happy!". It sounds to me like you would rather be home and you can still be the main bread winner from home. I have a business from home I love and there are tons like it! Good luck! wealthymomma.com

Flag as inappropriate Posted by weathy momma on 20th January 2009
It gets better. Remember that.

Also, one of the things I did when I was first returning to work was make a point to spend 10-15 minutes every morning cuddling my baby before leaving for work. Those moments sometimes were the only thing that got me through the day. Sometimes I still grab my girl for a cuddle before I head out the door in the morning.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mom2Rylie on 20th January 2009
Having a solid safety net gave me peace of mind; I also got very good at asking for HELP! I worked hard to cultivate a network of girlfriends and neighbors that I could call on. They were so AWESOME; after a little while, they would check in with ME when they were going to the store to see what I needed. If the sitter was sick, I knew I could call a friend for backup.

Now VolunteerSpot has a cool online scheduling tool that I think would be perfect for putting together your own Back 2 Work safety net. Create a master calendar online and invite each friend/neighbor to signup to be 'on call' for a few days each month. Most people will say YES if they know they are committing to just a few days. I think cultivating your personal safety net will do a lot to ease your stress about re-entry.

BEST OF LUCK!!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by VolunteerMom on 19th January 2009
I totally remember the guilt and the dread! Was in a similar situation -- but just one for us -- and as the main breadwinner, also knew there was no choice. I know you've probably heard this before, but it does get easier with time. For me, the one thing that made a difference was seeing how happy my baby was when I got home, how she was all cheery and playing with the nanny. The guilt has never left, to be honest -- she is 4.5 now -- but I do enjoy having my work life and my mom life.

We have this quick tips that might be helpful -- thought I'd post a link for you to check out:

http://www.workitmom.com/quicktips/detail/3088/going-back-to-work-after-maternity-leave

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 19th January 2009