Member Questions

Ask a question

My 3 year old son is so not interested in using the toilet. He has actually told me, "I don`t want the potty, I like my diapers." We`ve tried the gentle approach, letting him pick his own undies, etc. but there are a few issues to deal with. One, he cannot stand being naked, so leaving him without clothes would be very traumatic for him (he`s had a lot of very bad experiences, with surgeries and doctor visits where he had to be undressed). Also, we are building our house and don`t have a bathroom here, we have to hike half a block to the in-laws. I bought him a little potty, but it`s kind of wobbly and he doesn`t like it at all. And finally, we have a 2 year old, as well. I`m thinking we might just train them together, but that seems like a LOT of work. I guess then that my question is . . . should I push this and just go with no diapers ever again for both of them and try to survive the consequences, or should I just let my son go at his own pace? I`m sure he`ll decide to use the toilet on his own someday . . .”

Asked by Genesis on 4th February 2009 | 7 replies

Leave answer

7 replies so far...

Thanks for the tips! I think Steel Magnolia made a good point about my own ambivalence. I might be the one who isn`t ready! ;-)

I think at the moment, I`m just going to wait a bit longer. Our bathroom is nearly built and it will offer my son the privacy he wants for pooping, without feeling too closed in like with the inlaws` bathroom. I hope. Also, I think I`m just going to leave him alone and work with the 2 year old who is very interested . . . if it works, both will be trained, if not, at least I`ll only have one in diapers, even if it`s the oldest!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 6th March 2009
I think there's a chance here that you could use the fact that you have a 2-year-old to your advantage...especially if your younger child IS interested in the potty. I guess what I'm saying is that, if I were you, I'd try training them both at once. Yes, it will be a lot of work, but it will be a lot of hard work if you decide to train them separately, too.

In my experience, pull-ups are NOT helpful...except if you want to use them on top of a regular pair of underpants so that you don't have to keep so many changes of clothes on hand. Does that make sense? At home, my daughter wore panties. When we went out (in the car seat! EEEK!), I would put her in panties AND a pull-up, with the pull-up on the outside. That way, she could feel when she was wet. I wouldn't do that all the time, but it can give you the opportunity to be consistent and not go crazy.

Also, you may need to check your own ambivalence about this no matter what you decide to do. I think kids can sense when we're unsure about something and will use it to their advantage. So, whatever you do, make sure you really think it through and buy into it totally. If that means no diapers, then diapers should not be a possibility in your own mind, either. Also, I think in this case it means getting a potty you feel OK about your son using. You've got enough on your plate...feeling guilty over a wobbly potty should not be added to your list!

Best of luck to you...I trust that it will work out quickly and well.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Steel Magnolia on 5th March 2009
My daughter learned to pee in the potty fairly quickly, with very few accidents. She was wearing panties 24/7 within 3 months of starting training. Our problem was getting her to poop in the potty. She wanted to poop ONLY in a diaper. She would actually go get the diaper and bring it to me. I tried telling her "no more diapers" and she held it for 5 freaking days before I caved it and gave her a diaper. When my daughter turned 3, I asked her doctor about it, and the doctor made it sound like I was abusing her by not giving her the diaper. She told me to ignore the problem. Let her go in the diaper, don't even talk about pooping in the potty. She said it was a power struggle, and the child will always win. Well, she was still pooping in a diaper when she turned 4. I asked the (same) doctor again, and she said to take away the diapers. And if it didn't work, she would refer my child to a psychologist. Thankfully, I guess my daughter was ready, because after 1 or 2 temper tantrums, and few days of holding it, she finally starting going in the potty. I just really depend on the child's personality and timing, I guess. My daughter is SUPER stubborn when she sets her mind to something.
Sorry I don't have any helpful tips, just our story. : - ) GOOD LUCK!!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by erica on 5th March 2009
Potty training is somewhat of a nightmare. In my infinite wisdom as a first time mother, I decided to start introducing the potty from the moment he could walk. My son is now 2 1/2 and we are still working on the potty training, but we have only been seriously trying to potty train for about the past 6 weeks. Progress is slow, but bribery works for him. I wish I had some answers, but I don't really have a clue. Just wanted to give some moral support. As far as finding a good potty, I bought the Baby Bjorn potty seat after Christmas and it is perfect. It is so much than the novelty winnie the pooh potty that I bought because it was cute about a year and half ago when I want to start introducing the potty. The Baby Bjorn lets them squat. It is comfortable and secure for them too and is good for boys, I have very little problem with messes, it all pretty much stays in the potty (which can be the biggest challenge for boys). Also, Toys r us had a Sesame Street potty charting system. Your son might actually understand the chart and want to use it the way it was meant to be used. My son just likes to stickers and could care less about the chart.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by angel0913 on 9th February 2009
Sarah, I`ve thought about doing the "no diapers available" thing, but we`d have to train both boys at the same time then . . . since he`d see that his brother has diapers. This happened with bottles, I`d weaned him when his brother was born and as soon as he saw the baby had a bottle, he wanted one too. Maybe I`m not strict enough, but I hate fighting over silly stuff like that. :)

I live in Guatemala, so I`ll see if we can find the Bjorn potty. Non-wobbly would definitely help!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 8th February 2009
After just potty training our 3 yr. old son this past October (he'll be 4 this March) my best advice is to tell him that diapers are no longer available and that today we're going to have to wear undies. Our son had two accidents the morning we did that and quickly realized that it's uncomfortable to be in wet undies and making sure to pee in the potty would prevent that feeling. He helped us clean up when he had accidents by taking his undies to the wash and grabbing paper towel and cleaner to bring over to us. He's been doing WONDERFULLY ever since. He has the occasional when we go out places (we really have to make sure we stay on top of him and press him to use the potty when we're out, he hates public bathrooms) but otherwise he wears big boy undies 24/7. If you try this and he has accidents over and over and still is not interested, try again in a few weeks. Boys just take longer than girls. And can I suggest getting a Baby Bjorn potty chair? No wobbling, wonderful, highly reccommend. It even has a urine guard for little boys.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sarah on 4th February 2009
I have twin daughters--2.5 years old. One is now potty-trained (except nights/naps), and the other has only a passing interest. I have decided that despite my "encouragement" since they were 1.5, they really *do* figure it out on their own timeline. I think that while you can encourage all you like, when they are ready, they'll take care of it themselves, unfortunately! I suggest that you continue to work on it, but don't be surprised if it doesn't really happen until he decides for himself.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by spacegeek on 4th February 2009