Member Questions

My son is 10 months old and I've been working since he turned 3 months old. I work 40 hours a week over 4 days. It still kills me not to be with him during the day! I look at his pictures and wonder what he's doing, and, while I"m glad he's having fun at grandma's, which is where he spends a lot of his time, I worry that he'll start to prefer her to me!! Probably really silly, but I'm neurotic. At any rate, I just make the most of my evening and weekend time with him, even if it's only a couple of hours in the evening. I comfort myself by knowing that at least I'm the last one he sees at night and the first one he sees in the morning :-) Hang in there, you'll be ok, we all are. I think support networks like this are a lifesaver! It's good to know that you're the only one out there dealing with this, and healthy mommy-baby relationships can still happen, even if you work!

How do you cope, indeed. I was a single mom for 11 years, and now I'm a single grandma of a single-daughter's little girl. It's heartbreaking to leave your baby--there's no way around it. It's never easy, either, though perhaps only slightly less wrenching when they're older. The only thing you can do is try to put things in perspective. Making sure the baby is well-cared for when you're at work is most important, and then follow the good advice of these other moms for finding ways to make your time with your little one count as much as possible. Remember, you are the baby's mom! Nobody and nothing can take that away from you.

But one of the most empowering things you can do is to think creatively about what other ways you can earn a living besides the 9 to 5 grind. Even if it means cutting back on your lifestyle somewhat, what would it be worth to have more time with your little one? Read all you can about freelancing and about alternate ways of generating revenue. Think about your talents and how you could turn them into a business to meet some unfilled need out there in the world. It's not that you'd be putting in a whole lot less time--but you could do it on your own terms. Work in the evenings after the baby goes to sleep. Work during the day by paying a babysitter for a few hours a day instead of all day. If you have another income in the household, it's a lot easier. But even single moms can get creative this way. One single mom I know has just decided to become a real estate agent so she can have more control over her schedule.

Think with your whole soul! You're sure to find a way to beat this dilemma.

This was my most difficult time with my new baby. I was granted permission to change my work hours. I started my work day at 7 and was at daycare to pick him up by 3:30. This gave me more time in the afternoon to spend with him. I also missed much of the heavy traffic because of the switch leaving more time at home. I also learned to take more time off and keep my weekends open. It was a very difficult time and I was depressed. I had to keep reminding myself that the baby could sense when I was sad/stressed so I better shape up when I am with him and make the most of it. I also asked my husband to prepare supper so I could spend those extra 30 minutes with my son instead. I also let my son sleep on me for a few hours before I put him to bed. I sent a baby photo album with him to daycare for him to play with and look at the faces. IT WILL GET EASIER!

I am having the same issue. My son will be three this April, I am 22 weeks pregnant, go to school, and work 50 hours a week. I hate not being able to spend time with him. It has become habit for him to actually stay awake until 11 even if he is in his bed. On the weekends I am so tired I can't find the energy to do anything. I live an hour away from work, so there are some nights I don't get home until 7 or 8 and I leave before he wakes up. Unfortunatly I feel so guilty all the time he is extremely spoiled. He gets whatever he wants, usually when he wants it....at least he says please and thank you. I think my main problem is, my mom was just like me, and still is. We were very distant because she was always working, I always felt like she didn't know who I was, and sometimes she really didn't. I just don't want him to ever feel this way, and with another one on the way....I am at a loss....

I have a 10 wk old and I know exactly what you are going through. Make the most of the time you have with them when you get home. I always try to feed my son after we get home, its a great way to reconnect, or I get down on the floor with him and play. Rocking them to sleep is also a great time to bond. Try and put off anything you need to do at home till the weekends when you have more time. I hope this helps and know you aren't alone.