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So I am having many issues at this point. I have a boyfriend we will be together for 4 yrs in July. We are on our second baby who is due in August. He wants to get not so much. I know that I want him to change alot fo things before we even consider getting married, and I don't feel like I am ready. Living together is good for me, I just don't like the whole death till we part thing. I am only 21, I am trying to listen to him, and explain that really we have alot to accomplish before we get married. I really don't think I will ever be ready to get married. My mom says if he was a better guy, then I would want to get married. I don't think so......I would consider it, if he would change different things, and would work harder for it. We have talked about this but he doesn't seem to be making an improvement. I don't want to break up with him, I am content with how we are. I feel as if I am being pressured to either marry him, or break up with him. My mom says I need to make the decision and if I am not going to marry him, then I need to break up with him, and stop wasting my time. any advice? would I be ready to get married if he was my one?”

5 replies so far...

  • I can relate to the ulterior motive concern. I was in a situation like that, and I think marrying my ex would have been a disaster for me and for any children we might have had (we didn't have any). He was a scary guy and it was difficult to break it off even after I was sure he wasn't right for me.

    I guess it makes sense to just tell him that you are most comfortable keeping things as they are right now. Maybe if the relationship continues in a healthy way, you will feel more inclined toward marriage down the road. If that's not enough for him, maybe it's time for him to make those changes you feel he needs to make. (But, if you still don't think you'll marry if he makes those changes, then don't mislead him on that.)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 17th April 2009

  • In my family relationships just don't work. We have never seen a successful marriage. Also I don't think he is ready to get married, I feel he has to much to gain, and that may create an alterior motive. I don't think it would affect our kids either way if we were married or not. By not being married if things went down hill, we can just get out, instead of putting the kids through all the nasty court stuff. I do love him, just not sure I will love him for the rest of my life, or if I really do want to spend the rest of my life with the person he is.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by D'SMommy1329 on 17th April 2009

  • If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, why not marry him? Are you sure you are being honest with yourself?

    Is there something he is doing that scares you? Are you too scared to tell him your true feelings? Are you scared to leave him?

    What do you think is best for your children?

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 16th April 2009

  • We all (most of us) run alittle scared when someone talks about commitment when we are young. You have committed to him as far as you have one child with him and going to have another soon. I'd say that is a show of love. Your young...try telling him you just want to be alittle older- that your their for him and have no plans on going anywhere.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by eileen b on 13th April 2009

  • He always gets this assumption that because I don't want to marry him, I don't love him, and don't want to spend the rest of my life with do I cure that?

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by D'SMommy1329 on 13th April 2009