I cant get over the guilt of not being wiht my 14 month old baby & worst im jelous of all the mom's that get to stay home with them.....it sucks right? ladies I'm not proude i feel this way.....how can I cheer up?”
I don't think this feeling is unusual at all. The only thing that helps me in those times (because over the past 4 years they pop into my head too) is to remember the grass isn't always greener. I read a book "Mommy Wars" that helped me realize what kind of struggles the SAHM and even the part time working moms have. Every one of us has our unique challenges and guilt that comes with the situation. (note: "Mommy Wars" is focused on the writing industry, but it still had some good insights for those of us not in the writing world)
But in really my answer always comes back to acceptance. Accept where you are at. Then if you want to make a change, start from a place of acceptance. (also from a great book - Ekhart Tolle's "New Earth"
Don't waste your time being jealous! Try to focus on all of the good things that come with you working: you may be able to afford fun classes together that the other moms cannot, you get to socialize with other adults on a regular basis which gives you a unique perspective, or at least you know that your time may be limited so you can make it extra meaningful with your child. Being a mom is hard work, no matter if you work outside the home, work inside the home, or just spend all your time working as a mom! Be proud of all of the things you can do - no matter how small.
maybe the word guilt is just the surface of your feelings? focus on what you can do, if you feel stuck, find a way out, I like the advice below about being a present parent.
Why do you feel guilty? Being a stay at home mother isn't a walk in the park either. Both working and stay at home or work from home moms have unique sets of issues that accompany their choices, neither one being easier or better (inherently) than the other.
But the best way to get over your guilt is to figure out why you feel guilty and work to resolve that. There is absolutely no empirical evidence that says that children whose parent/s work are worse off than those who have parent/s who stay home with them. If you're worried that you're ruining your daughter's life by not being there for her 24/7, perhaps you need to talk to someone about that to determine the best way to resolve it.
Not being able to stay home with your child doesn't suck. What your child really needs is a parent who is engaged when he or she IS home, a parent who sets and sticks to routine (especially at this age), even if part of that routine involves being dropped off at a sitter or daycare and a parent who loves them and provides for them.
I don't know how you can cheer up, but I suspect that a good start would be to stop beating yourself up over the fact that you have to work. If you really can't live with it, perhaps looking for ways to work from home would be an option too.
4 replies so far...
But in really my answer always comes back to acceptance. Accept where you are at. Then if you want to make a change, start from a place of acceptance. (also from a great book - Ekhart Tolle's "New Earth"
Flag as inappropriate Posted by mother's den on 10th November 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by musicmaker on 23rd October 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by cricket on 20th October 2009
But the best way to get over your guilt is to figure out why you feel guilty and work to resolve that. There is absolutely no empirical evidence that says that children whose parent/s work are worse off than those who have parent/s who stay home with them. If you're worried that you're ruining your daughter's life by not being there for her 24/7, perhaps you need to talk to someone about that to determine the best way to resolve it.
Not being able to stay home with your child doesn't suck. What your child really needs is a parent who is engaged when he or she IS home, a parent who sets and sticks to routine (especially at this age), even if part of that routine involves being dropped off at a sitter or daycare and a parent who loves them and provides for them.
I don't know how you can cheer up, but I suspect that a good start would be to stop beating yourself up over the fact that you have to work. If you really can't live with it, perhaps looking for ways to work from home would be an option too.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Phe on 20th October 2009